The Biggest Adventure

While other people speak speak about having too little time to spend with their fathers, I want to tell you before it becomes too late.

From the start you have always loved me. And I love you.

You taught me priceless lessons and molded me into the man I am today. I am neither great nor famous, and I have my flaws, but I am happy with myself, and I can face the world with my head held high and with a smile on my face, and I have you to thank for that.

While before I would cry and frown over being disciplined, all I can say now is that I’m thankful you are my Dad.

You taught me to expect the best of everyone around me. Not only that, you taught me to expect even more than the best from myself.

You taught me that what makes a man proud is neither his money nor his clothes, not the car he drives, it is in the name he makes for himself by the way he treats others.You showed me that sometimes in life, we do falter and fail - what’s important is that we get back up each time we do.

While everyone else was teaching their kids the easy way to make a buck or the best way to hit a tennis ball, you taught me that there are no shortcuts - you reap what you put in.

You showed me how to work with my hands, and how to use my mind.

You told me to follow my dreams, but you also taught me to love what I do.

You taught me to be strong for the weak, and to demand the best from the strong. You taught me never to judge someone by what they have, but rather to see them by what they do. You taught me loyalty in the face of temptation, courage in the face of adversity, and laughter for when times get rough.

You taught me to be angry at the unjust, and to forgive those who have fallen.

You were my greatest influence, and my most powerful inspiration. For all these, I will forever be grateful.

Everyday, I strive to better myself. At times I do stumble and fall, but each time I do, I resolve to rise up again, and continue to fight for what I believe is right. I hope that one day, I may have made myself into a man you can be proud to call your son.

Love, Your Son

Jay

There is a photograph in my head. I’ve probably seen hundreds of other photographs that were more impressive, but this one is special.

Theres a lake. All around, almost everything is green. Green grass, trees, shrubs. The sun is shining brightly, but not fiercely, and there is a gentle breeze on a cool summer afternoon.

There are a few birds gathered by the shore. A few ducks, certainly, as well as a couple of pigeons. In the distance, near the middle of the lake, you can make out the outline of a family boat, pulling a rubber raft, with the kids playing on the water.

At the edge of the picture, really just peeping out from left hand corner, is the front fender of a light cyan car (some would say teal). Only a small part can be seen but in your mind’s eye, you know the exact make and model, you know exactly what that car looks like from the inside. You know that in the backseat, is a gray knapsack holding sunblock and various items and accessories, and a black men’s cotton jacket, embroidered with a blue dragon and the logo of a far-away Hard Rock Cafe.

At the center of the picture, you’d guess a few meters from the lakeshore, is a picnic table. Seated at the table, their backs turned towards the camera, is a couple. They’re not too close, not actually touching, and yet, they’re not seated too far apart either. You can’t see their faces, but you know, from the slant of their heads, that they’re looking, smiling at one another, with looks that say, “Well, here we are… and we’ll stay this way… forever.”

You can’t see the couple’s hands from this angle, but part of you knows that there, just hidden from view, is a half eaten pizza, and plastic cups of soda. You know, from the activity on the water, the the ducks are gathering, eager to partake of whatever crumbs might be left uneaten.

And at that very moment, as their eyes speak their unspoken vows, the shutter clicks, and captures the moment, for all eternity.

Tonight I watched a Japanese movie titled “Inu to Watashi no 10 no Yakusoku“ (10 promises between me and my dog). The film made me cry. After I reflected on the promises made, I discovered that they applied not only to the relationship between us and our pets, but to our other relationships as well. Here are the promises (translated into English):

1. Please have patience when dealing with me.

2. Place your trust in me. Through good and bad times, I will always be by your side.

3. Never forget that I have a heart too… just like you.

4. Whenever I don’t listen to what you say, always remember that there is a reason.

5. Talk to me. I may not understand all your words but I understand your voice when it speaks to me. (In the film: Try to spend a lot of time with me)

6. Let’s not fight. Remember that I could hurt you but have chosen never to do so.

7. Even when I grow in age (and probably grow slow or weak), please be kind to me

8. My life may not last as long as yours. Please make every second we spend together count.

9. You may have other friends, other activities. Please remember that for me, there’s only you.

10. When I leave this world, promise me you’ll be by my side. Remember all the times we shared and remember always that I love you.

One of the prominent songs featured on the soundtrack was “Time after Time”, particularly the lines:

When you’re lost, you can look and you will find me… time after time. When you fall, I will catch you I’ll be waiting… time after time.

Quite poignant.

In the journey of life, in every choice we make, in every relationship, there are times when the path we walk is completely blocked. When this happens, we find ourselves in pain… particularly when we were taking this path to get to a particular destination.

I have resolved that whenever I find myself in such a position, I will ask myself, “Can I move this roadblock all by myself?”

If the answer is a YES, I resolve to do my utmost best, face the challenge and remove the obstacle before me.

If the answer is a NO, I have two choices. I can sit and wait for the obstacle to disappear, but no amount of magic, crying, pleading or waiting will make this roadblock move on it’s own.

Or, I can choose to face my fears, and continue on my travels, wherever my life takes me. It may be a different path, to face different trials and learn new things, or it may lead me to walk this particular road again.

If life leads me on to a different path, I may arrive at a different place, a different destination. And if I am called back to walk this road again, the roadblock may already be gone, or I may find that I have gained the strength to move it on my own.

In any case, at the end of my journey, I will have become a better man.

Just because something feels right doesn’t necessarily mean it’s right.  But if something is wrong, it’s going to just feel plain wrong.

I was a guest at a party hosted by a friend of mine who had just given birth to her first child. I met her husband, who also happens to work in information technology, some executives working with a Singapore-based Australian firm, as well as some neighbors and friends.

A few of my high-school friends and I were hanging around the kitchen, sipping on glasses of wine when Uncle C entered the conversation. A retired executive from a manufacturing firm in Singapore, he has travelled all around Asia and the Asia-Pacific regions on business trips and executive meetings.

Upon learning where we were from, he commented, “You guys have got that thing going on there, haven’t you?”

“What do you mean, uncle?”, I replied, not exactly sure what he was trying to say. In Chinese culture, younger people usually refer to their elders as “Uncle” or “Aunt”, regardless of their relationship.

Andy had this look in his eye which said, “What the hell is this old coot doing here?”

“Well, when I was there, I observed that when it was time for work to end, almost everybody was able to drop whatever they were working on and just forget about the office.”

“Yeah, well…”, I responded sheepishly. Among the circles of first-world big-shots, people from my country are generally regarded as being lazy and incapable of pulling their own weight.

“No, no! I mean I envy them!”, He continues, made aware of the way my eyes turned downward in defense of my nationality.“They are able to have fun! They take off their work clothes, go out, get something to eat, have a few beers, go to nightclubs and such. It’s so much different from Singapore. Out here, everybody’s just too busy looking to get rich.”

His words make me look up. “Perhaps that’s the reason Singapore’s economy is booming.”

“You have a point. Working hard is not evil. However, I believe that no matter how hard you work, no matter how close your deadlines are, or how full your schedule is, you should never forget to live.”

This guy has got my full attention now. I have always regarded myself as an advocate of “living life to the fullest”.

He then proceeds to relate how his career was one long climb to reach the top of the corporate ladder. “… and it’s only now, when I’m retired, that I come to realize the things I have missed. I have a lot of money now, but I missed seeing my children grow up. I missed the best years of my youth. I lost track of everything that ever mattered.”

Everybody else was silent. I had neither the credentials nor the courage to even pretend to know what he was talking about.

“Despite all the dirt, all the violence, what do you see in the streets of your country?”, He presses on. “Children. That’s right! You see children playing, with smiles on their faces! What about here?”

His hand rises, index finger pointed at the lone kitchen window.

We all look out on a playground, devoid of life on a saturday afternoon.