The Biggest Adventure

There is a photograph in my head. I’ve probably seen hundreds of other photographs that were more impressive, but this one is special.

Theres a lake. All around, almost everything is green. Green grass, trees, shrubs. The sun is shining brightly, but not fiercely, and there is a gentle breeze on a cool summer afternoon.

There are a few birds gathered by the shore. A few ducks, certainly, as well as a couple of pigeons. In the distance, near the middle of the lake, you can make out the outline of a family boat, pulling a rubber raft, with the kids playing on the water.

At the edge of the picture, really just peeping out from left hand corner, is the front fender of a light cyan car (some would say teal). Only a small part can be seen but in your mind’s eye, you know the exact make and model, you know exactly what that car looks like from the inside. You know that in the backseat, is a gray knapsack holding sunblock and various items and accessories, and a black men’s cotton jacket, embroidered with a blue dragon and the logo of a far-away Hard Rock Cafe.

At the center of the picture, you’d guess a few meters from the lakeshore, is a picnic table. Seated at the table, their backs turned towards the camera, is a couple. They’re not too close, not actually touching, and yet, they’re not seated too far apart either. You can’t see their faces, but you know, from the slant of their heads, that they’re looking, smiling at one another, with looks that say, “Well, here we are… and we’ll stay this way… forever.”

You can’t see the couple’s hands from this angle, but part of you knows that there, just hidden from view, is a half eaten pizza, and plastic cups of soda. You know, from the activity on the water, the the ducks are gathering, eager to partake of whatever crumbs might be left uneaten.

And at that very moment, as their eyes speak their unspoken vows, the shutter clicks, and captures the moment, for all eternity.

Tonight, I hold you in my thoughts and dreams.

How I long for the day I hold you in my arms again. The day I whisper in your ear how much you mean to me, and pledge to you my heart, my life.

Have faith, mahal. Be strong and have faith. Hold on to our love and do not be afraid. I will be there soon, to walk beside you, hand in hand, heart in heart, with every breath, with every step…

I will be your strength when you are weak, and catch you when you fall. I will laugh with you in times of joy, and bear your sorrow as my own. I will dry your tears, and look into your eyes, and tell you that no matter what, I am yours forever… and you would know that it’s true.

To my fiancee, my soulmate, to the woman who holds my heart, I love you.

In a few hours time, I leave for Kyoto, a place that holds my very first memories of working in Japan, and more importantly, the memories of the weekend when we first met.

The first step into that room would change my life forever. The first smile, the first hello from the woman I would years later forever pledge my life and heart to.

I recall the laughter and the conversations,the easy warmth of the vodka, the biting cold of the wind outside. I recall a panicked Alwyn, knocking frantically on my door after I invited you in for a cup of coffee, and a hysterical Maggie, who cried herself into a drunk stupor for fear her friend had fallen into the hands of a crazed madman.

I remember the smell of the sisig that relieved the queasiness in our stomachs, the afternoon spent at the shops and the karaoke room. I remember how we rushed to get you on the bullet train to meet your boss on your way back to Nagoya.

After all these years, I still remember it all.

Yes, that was the first time I ever set sight on snow. But what I remember most vividly is the feel of your hand in mine as we walked down the road, neither of us knowing what was in store for the future, as the first of the crystal snowflakes gently grazed our faces.

This place is so full of memories…

I see it as clearly as if it was yesterday… You’re moving around the room, fixing your clothes, drying your hair, while I watch from the sidelines, wondering to myself how I could have been so lucky.

I see Poe from the corner of my eye… sitting on the bed, watching his mom and dad get ready to go out, observant eyes taking everything in.

I see the warmth of the sunlight reaching in through the gaps in the curtains, and am held breathless when you smile at me. The touch of your hand still lingers on my skin, and I smell the sweet scent of your favorite perfume…

I find myself transported back in time… to Hira-cho. We’re walking and laughing, hand in hand, hurrying to catch the next bus downtown as the afternoon sun lays it’s gentle rays upon us.

I remember the ramen shop, where the proprietor knew us by face, and was always ready with a smile and two warm towels. I remember how you would oscillate between your two favorite dishes and decide on which was most appropriate. I remember the gentle farewells each time we left the shop.

It’s been almost a year since you left this place, but I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I miss my babies…

Tonight I watched a Japanese movie titled “Inu to Watashi no 10 no Yakusoku“ (10 promises between me and my dog). The film made me cry. After I reflected on the promises made, I discovered that they applied not only to the relationship between us and our pets, but to our other relationships as well. Here are the promises (translated into English):

1. Please have patience when dealing with me.

2. Place your trust in me. Through good and bad times, I will always be by your side.

3. Never forget that I have a heart too… just like you.

4. Whenever I don’t listen to what you say, always remember that there is a reason.

5. Talk to me. I may not understand all your words but I understand your voice when it speaks to me. (In the film: Try to spend a lot of time with me)

6. Let’s not fight. Remember that I could hurt you but have chosen never to do so.

7. Even when I grow in age (and probably grow slow or weak), please be kind to me

8. My life may not last as long as yours. Please make every second we spend together count.

9. You may have other friends, other activities. Please remember that for me, there’s only you.

10. When I leave this world, promise me you’ll be by my side. Remember all the times we shared and remember always that I love you.

One of the prominent songs featured on the soundtrack was “Time after Time”, particularly the lines:

When you’re lost, you can look and you will find me… time after time. When you fall, I will catch you I’ll be waiting… time after time.

Quite poignant.

In the journey of life, in every choice we make, in every relationship, there are times when the path we walk is completely blocked. When this happens, we find ourselves in pain… particularly when we were taking this path to get to a particular destination.

I have resolved that whenever I find myself in such a position, I will ask myself, “Can I move this roadblock all by myself?”

If the answer is a YES, I resolve to do my utmost best, face the challenge and remove the obstacle before me.

If the answer is a NO, I have two choices. I can sit and wait for the obstacle to disappear, but no amount of magic, crying, pleading or waiting will make this roadblock move on it’s own.

Or, I can choose to face my fears, and continue on my travels, wherever my life takes me. It may be a different path, to face different trials and learn new things, or it may lead me to walk this particular road again.

If life leads me on to a different path, I may arrive at a different place, a different destination. And if I am called back to walk this road again, the roadblock may already be gone, or I may find that I have gained the strength to move it on my own.

In any case, at the end of my journey, I will have become a better man.