The Biggest Adventure

I’m just pissed right now. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle against the world around me. It may look like I’m at the top of my game right now - and for the most part it’s true, but as they say, “It gets lonely at the top”.

I don’t think I have much to complain about though. I’ve established myself as one of the leading engineers in our company, am in line for a supervisory position, placed in a recent competition, and lost the extra pounds I put on during my stay in Japan. I look and feel the best I have for years - and not a few people have noticed.

There are times when none of this matters, and you’re left trying to pull your hair right out of your scalp.

Frustrations are a certainty in life. I am fully aware of that. At times it just helps to let it out to someone else who could understand, but right now, I can’t seem to find anybody who can sympathize with the way I feel.

I used to think the friends closest to you would be the people to talk to… but circumstances change, people change, and you find yourself not being able to talk about what you really need to for fear of hurting them, or of being ridiculed by the very people you were supposed to be able to trust.

I used to think that love was something to be taken seriously, and I used to believe that distance wouldn’t matter. I used to believe that loving somebody meant that you were willing to make sacrifices for him/her… if that’s what it came down to. I used to believe a lot of things… I’d like to think I believe them still…

I was brought up not to say things lightly, and not to make promises you had no intention of keeping. Looking around though, this thinking seems to become more and more obsolete each day.

Right now, I feel so frustrated, so alone.  Hopefully, tomorrow will be better…

Lately, I’ve been finding myself making excuses for not posting on this blog more and more. It’s true though, lately has been crazy at work, with some days seeing me get as little as 2 hours of sleep.

I’m still alive though, and that’s just one of the many reasons to celebrate Christmas! (Yes! It’s finally here!!!)

So much has happened in the last few months. I will admit this year hasn’t been the best for me, but still, this holiday season, I hope to focus more on my blessings and see just how lucky I am.

So for each and every one, MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It’s 6:30pm and I’m sitting at my desk, multi-tasking. Well, to tell the truth, 10% of the time I’m getting some work done on a file that should have been released yesterday. The other 90% I spend pretending to work and just generally bumming around on my workstation and surfing the internet.

One of my friends comes over and invites me to go out for a bite.

I’m not really hungry, having just had a snack a couple of hours ago. I also have no appetite for the dreary monotony of the bland food served by the roadside eateries near the office, nor the cholesterol-laden junk served by the fast food stores in the mall across the street. I begin to reply in the negative, “Well, I’m really sick of eating all the usual stuff…”

“So? Let’s go someplace else then!”

Reluctantly, I abandon my cluttered desk, slip on my sneakers, and stand up. The three of them are waiting in the reception room of our office.

“So where do we eat?”, I inquire. I am painfully aware that these guys have absolutely no sense of adventure when it comes to good food. They treat food like it was just an afterthought, just a source of the energy required to run their other boring routines.

“I don’t know…”, “Anywhere is fine.”, “Where do you want to eat?” - The usual cacophony of the voices of those who cannot seem to decide for themselves. I get the feeling they really don’t care if toilet paper actually provided the nutritional value of a well-prepared meal. I figured I had to take charge.

“How does KK sound?”, I ask them, invoking the name of a place which serves a pretty decent take on beef stroganoff.

There’s a long, uneasy pause as they look at each other as if to say, “Who’s going to be the one to break the news to him?”

“It’s sort of far…”, came the answer I’d been dreading. Ouch. For God’s sake! The place is less than a kilometer away from the office! Taking a taxi there would take all of 10 minutes. This probably doesn’t register with them, though. Anything not reachable by the limits of their limited human vision is considered far. I have to admit I do not possess unique long distance eyesight, but with their way of thinking, it might as well have been Singapore, Osaka, or New York City. Damn!

“So any other suggestions?”, I sigh. Obviously, this is turning out to be another one of those nightmares.

I could imagine their brains coming together in an imaginary huddle, struggling to find the most appropriate choice from about 10 or so options - which was about all our immediate vicinity offered in terms of food choices. I am beginning to fear for my sanity. Images of those upturned, thoughtful eyes reminding me of that fact every time I fall asleep… ugh. I shudder at the thought.

“How about CK?”, one of them finally comes up with an answer. Chinese fastfood in the mall across the street. Just great. Ever since I returned from Japan, I can’t recall a week ever having gone by without me setting foot inside the place.

The other two are quick to agree and as one, the trio begins to lumber towards the elevator. Sighing inwardly to myself, I realize that I have no choice but to follow. I extricate myself from the couch I had so comfortably plopped myself into minutes before and begin walking in the direction the horde was taking.

I’m pissed off. It’s not like the difference of a couple of minutes is going to change the course of the world! Working hours are over, for God’s sake! I’m pretty sure none of them had emergency work that couldn’t have survived a short cab ride. It wasn’t about the money, either. After all, the difference in prices is almost negligible, and one of those guys even makes more than I do!

I blame it all on stupidity and laziness, and silently vow never to get pulled into one of these traps ever again.

It’s been a while since I’ve written here, and I want to express my apologies to everybody who’s visited this site while I was away. Some of you might have been wondering what kept me away for so long.

I can’t really go into much detail here right now, but let’s just say that ‘life’ happened.  Sometimes a guy gets so caught up in his work, or in his personal life, to really attend to some of the other things. For all this, I apologize. I aim to write about my experiences while I was away, but you guys will have to wait while I get this site back in order. And there’s a loooot to do…

For one, the site, particularly the Mogwai post, seemed have found itself the target of malicious spammers. I have cleaned out (I hope) all of the malicious comments, while keeping those that obviously came from other bloggers and from people who managed to visit this site.

There also seems to be something wrong with the links lately. It might have something to do with my blogging engine being so outdated but I am going to fix this real soon.

I guess this is just a ‘let-you-know’ message to let all of you know that I’m back!

While other people speak speak about having too little time to spend with their fathers, I want to tell you before it becomes too late.

From the start you have always loved me. And I love you.

You taught me priceless lessons and molded me into the man I am today. I am neither great nor famous, and I have my flaws, but I am happy with myself, and I can face the world with my head held high and with a smile on my face, and I have you to thank for that.

While before I would cry and frown over being disciplined, all I can say now is that I’m thankful you are my Dad.

You taught me to expect the best of everyone around me. Not only that, you taught me to expect even more than the best from myself.

You taught me that what makes a man proud is neither his money nor his clothes, not the car he drives, it is in the name he makes for himself by the way he treats others.You showed me that sometimes in life, we do falter and fail - what’s important is that we get back up each time we do.

While everyone else was teaching their kids the easy way to make a buck or the best way to hit a tennis ball, you taught me that there are no shortcuts - you reap what you put in.

You showed me how to work with my hands, and how to use my mind.

You told me to follow my dreams, but you also taught me to love what I do.

You taught me to be strong for the weak, and to demand the best from the strong. You taught me never to judge someone by what they have, but rather to see them by what they do. You taught me loyalty in the face of temptation, courage in the face of adversity, and laughter for when times get rough.

You taught me to be angry at the unjust, and to forgive those who have fallen.

You were my greatest influence, and my most powerful inspiration. For all these, I will forever be grateful.

Everyday, I strive to better myself. At times I do stumble and fall, but each time I do, I resolve to rise up again, and continue to fight for what I believe is right. I hope that one day, I may have made myself into a man you can be proud to call your son.

Love, Your Son

Jay

And I thought my own proposal was beautiful… Check out my friend’s proposal to his (now) fiancée. It was truly a heartwarming story and I couldn’t help but admire Marco Baylon for his love, nerves and courage.

In my own defense, though, I had to make do with knowing absolutely nobody in the city where I proposed.